The Vagabond
Has a personal philosophy
Looking for someone who really knows their music
Has guitar, knows less than three chords
Thinks “travelling” is more profound than going on holiday for ages
Has thicker and longer hair than you
Closes his eyes to convey intense emotion
Annoyingly good body
Thinks you’re more beautiful than Jakarta in the spring
The Baller
Has a Sunday routine
Passionate about brunch and techno
Can't remember the last time he was truly sober
Pays for everything
Obsessed with London food trends
Goes to Soho House to feel creative
Posts on Instagram about 'chasing your dreams'
Works in financial management
Has never seen the inside of his own flat
His gym membership is more than your rent
Gets misty-eyed about packing it all in at 40 and writing a novel
The Abstract Notion
You have no idea what he looks like because all his photos are memes
Could be any age between 20 and 40
You think you’ve got a handle on who he is/his job/where he lives but then he says something that totally throws you for a loop
You talk to him more than your closest friends but never seem to meet up
Actually very witty
Exists outside of time and space
Has 0% interest in sleeping with you
Replies within 0.2 seconds
The Misanthrope
Hates dating apps
Spends seven hours a week on dating apps
Looks world weary and forlorn in all his photos
Quotes Nietzsche when it's not relevant
Likes to say ‘is it?’ or ‘DOES it though?’ when you make any statement
Talks vaguely about the apocalypse we’re living through
Self defines as ‘not like other boys’
Ardent feminist
Never lets you talk
Thinks the Kardashians are worse than Hitler
The “New To London”
Really excited to explore the city!
Just looking to make some new friends :)
Very excited about red post boxes and The London Eye
Very Enthusiastic About Everything
Says things like ‘we must go out in Soho!’
Never ✊met ✋an ✌Emoji 👧he👻doesn’t 👹like
Utterly devoid of anxiety: he’ll be in Berlin by Tuesday
The “Nice Guy”™
A bit older than you specified but slipped through the net
Tells you he's not like those creepy dating app men
Not interested in looks, wants someone ‘genuine’
Desires nudes
Sends you eight messages for every one reply
Will pipe up at 3AM six months from now with a real tearjerker: he “thought you were different”
Written by Matilda Curtis
Illustrated by India Boxall
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